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smitten kitchen | crispy broccoli with lemon and garlic

I may have suddenly, and at least a month earlier than I’d hoped, reached the slightly less awesome phase of pregnancy, which I suspect is nature’s way of ensuring that despite all of the great things about gestating — thick, shiny hair! elastic-waist pants! people actually encouraging you to be lazy! — you will have little desire to stay this way forever.

It started two Mondays ago when all of my shirts simultaneously stopped fitting, as if they were in a pact with each other to make a cold-bellied mockery of my attempts to avoid maternity clothing this time around. Then, this old lady I swim with told me I was looking “huge” and evidently undaunted by the dripping sarcasm in my “thanks?” asked how was I going to make it to July. Was I sure I was not carrying twins? I was going to need an oxygen tank to get around by summer! When I came home and my husband asked how my swim was, I burst into tears because all of these feelings have made me extra-lame to be around. Then, as if on cue, swimming got about 3x harder. Was the water always this glue-like? Did I always have to take this many breaths per lap? I joked to the nurse at my doctor’s office that the second I lay down, even for a second, this child starts what could only be interpreted as 1980’s Legwarmer, Headband and Hightops Aerobics and she said “that’s exactly what it’s going to be like when it comes out!” leading my husband and I to shake in terror at the idea that every time we sit down — basically our favorite thing, because it’s the best thing — for the next several years, something will happen that makes us have to stand up, even though as second-time parents we know this to be the truth.